Superman's disguise is stupid!

This is a complaint I hear a lot. It's... pretty much a running gag. At it's worst, it's used to make Lois herseld look like a total dipshit. And, to be fair... it is something mishandled quite a bit.

But there is nothing inherently wrong with the idea itself. And, as a bonus, it doesn't even need a ridiculous explanation like the hypno-vision, or whatnot to make it work.

First of all, take out the fact that you are a viewer of Superman's life. You see the Kents and you see him in a cape. You understand his reasons for doing this, thus, when he shows up, it's kinda a "Duh" sort of thing. You have been with him along the whole journey, so it's all something you've been able to add up because you have all the pieces. When you don't the reasoning for it begins to break down immediately.

Take this example as you will. The place where you work hires a guy named Ralph Hobbs. You meet Ralph one day at lunch. And... Dude! He looks just like George Clooney! Only he's wearing these big ass Horn-rim glasses.

Now, ask yourself this. What is your first reaction?

A) "DUDE! GEORGE CLOONEY! I LOVED YOU IN BATMAN AND ROBIN!"

or...

B) "That... guy looks kinda like George Clooney... But that's silly because why would George Clooney be working HERE? ...and more so, why would he be wearing those stupid glasses?"

You'd pass it off as a curious thing wouldn't you? Then you'd start over analyzing and thinking maybe the nose isn't quite right or his ears don't look quite like you remember from that movie. You go up to old Ralph and ask him if anyone ever told him he looks a bit like George Clooney. He'd tell you he gets that all the time. And the two of you laugh it off. Just a funny little coincidence. Now, Imagine that this wasn't just an actor, but a god damn god. That doesn't harm the notion at all, it HELPS it. Why on earth would Superman bother with this shit?

Now, HERE is where the details REALLY start to matter.

More or less, you get the portrayal of Clark Kent as just superman in glasses. Which, right there, is 99% of your problem. The people would already be doubting themselves, if you can play TO that, it no longer becomes a stupid pair of glasses, but a whole new PERSONA.

Ideally, Clark Kent would act NOTHING like Superman. I don't necessarily mean the goofy bumbling or what have you, but there's a TON of small details that would begin to add up. Clark Kent's posture, his Kansas accent, the way he does his hair, the fit of his suit, the way he walks and carries himself, the resonance of his voice, to the very look in his eyes. ALL of these things would contribute to the idea that... This is a different person. Why would Superman be acting like that? He has no reason to hide amongst us. He can hear everything, see through wall, Move nigh the speed of light (depending on your interpretation), nothing can hurt him, he's a damn alien from a dead world with a culture and customs all his own. It's like imagining Jean Reno playing as a Kansas farm boy. Just... WHY? And more so, an alien would just be some fish out of water in any case. His abilities, his customs, all these things would certainly give him away. There is no reason that Clark Kent would have to be Superman.

But of course, we know differently, don't we? Superman was RAISED as Clark Kent. That's who he sees himself as. He IS Kal-El from Krypton aka Superman, but he sees himself as Clark. That is what he sees as his life. His home. His friends and family. He acts as superman to try and keep the memory of his people alive. He does it to try and live up to the hope and morals he believes in. That epic being isn't just a mask, it's a PART of him. Clark Kent brings superman humility and humanity, while Superman brings us all a model and example of how we can be better.

All of this is irrelevant to the secret identity. Because the people around him at the Daily Planet wouldn't know all of this. You have this mysterious alien god flying around. Then you have Kansas farm boy Clark Kent working with you. Neither of these people seem like they would get along, let alone BE the same person.

Ya know, up until every ten minutes Clark excuses himself and then Superman pops in.

But with good story telling, you can have LOADS of dramatic fun with this. The conflict with trying to live two lives. The times you have to choose one over the other. Imagine Superman having to use his mind to work out a solution using his powers AS Clark Kent. Imagine the times when he would have to choose between the two halves of his being. Hell, just the shear work it must take to keep someone like Lois Fucking Lane in the dark is mind boggling to consider. But inevitably, she has to. To have it figured out within Ten Minutes makes the whole idea look stupid, it elevates Lois at the cost of dramatic potential. At the same time, keeping her in the dark for years just makes her look incompetent. But the only reason the idea itself would harm her character is if you don't make it CONVINCING. As most versions tend to do.

The way it needs to work is as Lois gets to know the two sides of him, she begins putting the details together. As good as superman is, he's bound to slip up. He's a god, but not infallible. Slowly, you start to put two and two together as the Lois and Clark/Superman relationship grows closer. If you just have Lois robotically pointing it out right then in there ("Clark Kent/Superman. Bruce Wayne/Batman. Wally West/Flash. What else you got?") it, oddly enough, DE-humanizes Lois herself! And the humanity of the Lois character is VITAL for the Superman story.

Even better, the whole secret identity thing was played perfectly, and summarizes the whole pshycological aspect in the comic itself.

At one point in the Byrne run, I believe, Lex Luthor created a program for determining the identity of Superman (Nevermind that this isn't STRICKTLY nessesary, but it's a fun plot point and helps the Luthor character) The computer does it's job perfectly and reveals to Luthor that Clark Kent is Superman. What does Luthor do? Nothing. He thinks the machine is flawed in some way. He cannot fathom why a god like being such as Superman would play as a lowly human like Clark Kent. Luthor's ego, and his own perspective of the world will not allow him to wrap his mind around the idea. And it's a natural reaction. It doubly summarizes the whole point of the disguise and it's usefulness too. Because really...

Why would Superman pretend to be Clark Kent of all people?

DC and Marvel: Myths and Legends (The Overview)

I have always been fond of comic books, and have seen them as more or less modern mythology. But this does present a problem in that they are meant to be a continuing never ending thing, and to some extent this prevents them from attaining that lofty status. But at the same time, there is A TON of history and such to explore within.

So as a sort of writing experiment, as I like to do, I began to wonder... what would I do if given both these properties? What would I do differently? What would I do the same?

It all started by me trying to limit myself. What are the categories that need telling? What characters are the ones to focus on? I thought of this in terms of trying to convert the entirety of both universes into TV series, but that's really just the way I think. TV is an excellent medium for conveying serialized story telling. So, I looked at it in terms of that.

Firstly, There are six categories of stories to be told with either universe. And they break down thusly:

Headliners

These are your high profile, big name characters, the ones with tons of potential to draw on in story terms.

Second Stringers

These are your characters that are... well, a notch below the Headliners, characters that can still carry a tale, but perhaps not to the extent of your Headliners.

Duos

These are your characters who work best in a buddy/buddy dynamic. Kinda like putting two Second Stringers together to get an equivalent Headliner.

Teams

These are your ensemble tales dealing with a group of characters together, rather than a main character and their supporting cast.

Worlds

These are your expansive areas not always dealing with the Earth of here and now. As such, these would be like a larger scale team story, but not AS concerned with fitting into the same world. (Same universe, but a different world if you will)

Anthologies

This one I really dug. Mainly it's due to it giving focus to lesser characters that you could still tell fantastic stories with. I look at it in terms of having a set group of characters of a type, and then giving each a season to have their story.

But those are the six Categories I fit them all into.

After that I limited myself to Six choices per category. Only six of any of them. So, you don't have just a passle of things trying to figure out what they want to be, but a finite number of things place specifically into a position of what they are.

Within that, each choice gets only FIVE seasons to tell whatever they need. Five seasons. A beginning, a middle, and an end. That's it. They tell the tales important to that character and done. (Within that, I'm still trying to decide total number of episodes per season, but I'm leaning towards 26, with some of them limited to 13.)

Most importantly, I tried to look at it in terms of themes. Not only telling a story with the characters, but finding the core theme of that character to exploit. And for this purpose, I would use stories that serve it from the comics, but also change them as necessary. (Bet you never thought you hear THAT one.) But not to gain a wider audience or simplify, but rather to serve that theme and meaning within the character. What their singular story represents.

In other words, thinking of them in terms of mythology.

Now, I don't have this all totally worked out, but I thought you'd be curious to see at the very least my choices for each Category. Each I thought there was something to say something with. Some of them are obvious, some, not so. Later, I might get into more of what I had in mind for each, but right now, these are my choices of focus:

Headliners (DC)

• Superman
• Batman
• The Flash
• Wonder Woman
• Aquaman
• Green Lantern

Headliners (Marvel)

• Spider-Man
• Thor
• Iron Man
• Hulk
• Captain America
• Doctor Strange

Second Stringers (DC)

• Shazam!
• Plastic Man
• Martian Manhunter
• Atom
• Green Arrow
• Dr. Fate

Second Stringers (Marvel)

• Captain Marvel
• Silver Surfer
• Daredevil
• Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D.
• The Punisher
• Spirits of Vengeance

Duos (DC)

• Hawkman/Hawkgirl
• Blue Beetle/Booster Gold
• Fire and Ice
• Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E.
• Hawk and Dove
• Animal Man/B'wana Beast

Duos (Marvel)

• Heroes for Hire
• Ant-Man/Wasp
• Cloak and Dagger
• Ka-Zar and Shanna
• Cable/Deadpool
• Marvel Team-Up

Teams (DC)

• Justice League
• Teen Titans
• Suicide Squad
• Doom Patrol
• Challengers of the Unknown
• Legion of Superheroes

Teams (Marvel)

• X-Men
• Fantastic Four
• Avengers
• Guardians of the Galaxy
• Thunderbolts
• Damage Control

Worlds (DC) 

• Fourth World (aka New Gods)
• The Endless
• Earth Two (aka Golden Age)
• Earth Three (aka Crime Syndicate of Amerika)
• Wildstorm
• Elseworlds

Worlds (Marvel)

• The Inhumans
• The Eternals
• Exiles
• 2099
• Ultraverse
• What If?

Anthologies (DC)

• Weird War Tales

• Blackhawks 

• Sgt. Rock 

• Unknown Soldier  

• Creature Commandos 

• Mademoiselle Marie

• Weird Western Tales

• Jonah Hex

• Vigilante

• Bat Lash

• El Diablo

• Pow Wow Smith

• Weird Worlds

• Zatanna

• Timothy Hunter

• Frankenstein

• Deadman

• Kamandi

• Demon Knights

• Etrigan

• Shining Knight

• Madame Xanadu

• Viking Prince Jon

• Demon Knights (Team)

• House of Mystery

• Dial H for Hero

• The Question

• Human Target

• Hitman

• Resurrection Man

• Vertigo

• Swamp Thing

• Constantine

• Shade the Changing Man

• Preacher

• Kid Eternity

Anthologies (Marvel)

• Midnight Sons

• Morbius

• Werewolf By Night

• Son of Satan

• Brother Voodoo

• Man-Thing

• Nightstalkers

• Blade

• Tomb of Dracula

• The Zombie

• Terror Inc.

• Legion of Night 

• Journey Into Mystery

• Machine Man

• Sleepwalker

• Spider-Woman

• Sentry

• Impossible Man

• Astonishing Tales

• Runaways

• Deathlok

• Namor the Sub-Mariner

• Wild Pack

• Alias

• Amazing Fantasy

• Howard the Duck

• Death's Head

• Hercules

• Power Pack

• Alpha Flight

• Marvel Knights

• Shang-Chi

• Moon Knight

• Black Panther

• Squadron Supreme

• Darkhawk

Within each of the two universes, the stories would take place in the same worlds (mostly), so there would be crossovers and things, so, don't think the ones I listed are the only characters. It's just the rest I would deal with within those various tales. But more or less, each of these had a certain angle I wanted to deal with, and that is why they were chosen.

As I said, later I may fill you in on the various thoughts and ideas I had with each. Till next time. 

Is Superman An Illegal Immigrant?

You find this question popping up more and more as of late, some people genuinely curious to the answer, some just trying to make a bone headed "THEY TUK ARE JERBS!!" joke. I figured I would post this for any other curious readers who happen by to get their answer without having to dig through tons of useless debate on the topic, simply useless rambling as I am wont to do!

Unsurprisingly, the comics themselves have dealt with this issue over the years in a variety of way.

The simplest explanation has the Kents just taking the baby Clark to an orphanage and officially adopting him from there. Thus, not illegal as he's been adopted by two United States citizens.

The... Overly Convoluted John Byrne version of the tale from Post-Crisis reboot continuity tried a different tact. In it, Krypton was presented as a cold and sterile planet where the DNA from both parents was combined within a device known as a "Birthing Matrix". Here the fetus would gestate until birth. Well, in this version of the story, Jor-El slapped an experimental warp drive right onto the Birthing Matrix and shot his unborn son into space. Thus, when the vessel crashed in Kansas, Clark was officially born right then and there from the Matrix. Later, this would be shown legally as him being considered an official Natural Born Citizen of the United States.

Personally? I always found that one a smidge ridiculous. I know I'm not the only one. Firstly because it attempts to remove one of the cornerstones of the character, him being an immigrant to this country.

But what's worse? It's an overcomplicated solution to something that wasn't a problem in the first place.

If one goes and looks up the definition of what confers citizenship, being a natural born citizen is probably one of the simplest, thus why the whole birthing matrix nonsense was created in the first place. But you know what? Superman was already considered one without that element being added.

Didn't expect that did you? How on Earth could he be considered a natural born citizen?

Go check out the definitions of what makes a natural born citizen.

For those of you who wish to go ahead and trust my word on this, it's the third definition you should take note of:

 "a person of unknown parentage found in the United States while under the age of five years, until shown, prior to his attaining the age of twenty-one years, not to have been born in the United States"

 Yup. It's that simple. Given that Johnathan and Martha had no reason to tell anyone about the rocket, and it's unlikely that anyone had the thought of taking this up with the courts and proving it... Legally... Superman IS considered a natural born citizen by law, no matter how famous the tale of Krypton of his arrival became later. Simply because... no one brought it up and proved his heritage otherwise.

Pretty much, there is no definition of Superman as Illegal. Moreso, he could in fact, become President if he wanted. He IS legally a natural born citizen per that definition, in... well, ALL continuities.

If only Lex had thought to get him busted legally years ago when he made his hair fall out, eh?

Oh... and if you were curious? Even then it doesn't matter in comic terms, in at least one continuity, the UN has recognized Superman as legally a citizen of all member nations with authority to act autonomously throughout their borders. So, even if that little real world statute wasn't in effect, nobody would be able to legally deport him in any case.

Superman, Last Son of Krypton, Natural Born American, Citizen of the World.