A Real American Hero

As the first post on this blog, I wanted something special. Something Geeky. Something beyond just ranting or raving on some little issue. Fortunately, something fell right into my lap...

First just let me say that I am a HUGE fan of G.I. Joe. As I grew up in the 80s, Joe was one of those tent pole franchises that us kids clung to like velcro. Unfortunately, the series has fallen quite a bit since those glory days in my opinion. This fall will be culminating with the impending release of Rise of Cobra. I have absolutely no love for what I've heard of this movie, as an admitted fanboy it feels like a bunch of twits are raping my childhood.

But don't go anywhere just yet. This post is not to complain about that movie. There are wars being fought on message boards across the net over these issues. No, my bored mind the other night presented an alternative.

One of my great loves is writing. I love every facet of it from idea to word. Purely as fun I try to build worlds and even twist around ideas elsewhere into something I think is better. As a fanboy of many things, you can imagine how often I can be known to nit pick. As a sort of mental exercise I write down these various little ideas for how I'd do it. Sometimes not much more than character lists and little notes. Sometimes... more.

With that little explanation, I now present to you the latest. How I would do a G.I. Joe movie. This is little more than an outline and is missing the finer details and would clearly need refining but I'm pretty sure it's better than what we'll actually end up with. Enjoy.

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G.I.Joe

The intelligence community has been hearing word of a new underground terrorist movement based within the United States itself that has been hitting small targets for months. US President Larry Hama calls upon retired General Joseph Colton, a world renouned counter terrorism and covert intelligence expert. Colton reccomends the US reinstate the Action Force, his former team that thwarted the Red Shadows organization years earlier. He reccomends his old friend, Brigadier General Lawrence J. Flagg to head up the formation of this new team.

Flagg chooses Colonel Clayton Abernathy aka Hawk as the field commander of this new team and supliments him with Army Ranger Lanzo Wilkinson aka Stalker as his second in command. The first choice recruit is an intelligence agent named Shana O'Hara aka Scarlett. Scarlett, the officer responsible for uncovering the little bit of info they had on this new threat. Stalker suggests an old war buddy of his and they travel to the High Sierras to recruit Snake-Eyes.

Experts in multiple fields round out the team. Communications expert Alvin Kibbey aka Breaker, Electronics expert Tony Gambello aka Flash, Infantry and arms expert Robert Graves aka Grunt, Heavy Gunner Craig McConnel aka Rock N Roll, Explosives expert Eric Freistadt aka Short-Fuze, Demolitions expert Rafael Melendez aka Zap, Sniping expert Calvin Meyer aka Shooter, Motor Vehicles expert Lance Steinberg aka Clutch, Artillery expert James Barney aka Grand Slam, and Tank Commander Ralph Pulaski aka Steeler. Culled from the best of the best in the armed forces, this new team is dubbed G.I.Joe in honor of Joe Colton's old codename.

On their way to a diplomatic summit in the Hague, one of america's top nuclear physicists Dr. Adele Burkhart is accompanied by several united states senators on their way to discuss the importance of taking another look at nuclear power sources if the world is to combat the energy crisis. Dr. Burkhart is an outspoken opponent of the United State's military endevours. To the extent that she demanded on secrecy rather than a military escort. Right on cue, the convoy is attacked by an armed group of terrorists dressed in blue with red snake sigils. A scar faced agent on the inside had provided them with the location. The group holds the senators hostage, demanding a large ransom. After a political agreement is reached, the G.I. Joe team is called in. Dispite their differences with Dr. Burkhart, they have no choice but to help.

Hawk seperates the Team into two units. Bravo Team will be the insertion team and Alpha Team which will provide support. As the Alpha Team of Stalker, Scarlett, Snake-Eyes, Grunt, Rock N Roll, Zap, and Clutch attempt to infiltrate the area via chopper, they are shot down by the terrorists. Rock N Roll and Grunt manage to bail out, but the rest go down. Zap and Stalker help Clutch from the wreckage. Scarlett is missing though, Snake-Eyes goes back in after her. An explosion send schrapnel into Snake-Eye, temporarily blinding him and burns his face but he manages to get out alive with Scarlett. Bravo team quickly mobilizes to save the Alpha team. Their mission blown, the terrorists manage to escape, taking only Dr. Burkheart with them.

As the Joe team recovers from the incident, they attempt to figure out what the terrorists would want with Dr. Burkheart as nuclear scientists are a dime a dozen on the world market. Snake-Eyes is unconsious and will require years of rehabilitation, but is face will be severly scared and they doubt he will be able to talk again with his injured throat. Scarlett, who was not severly injured attempts stay by his side in return for saving his life but Hawk convinces her back into action. Breaker intercepts a message from the terrorists. they are plotting a second mission, this one inside the United States itself. their next target is a man named Dr. Laszlow Vandermeer, a nobel lauriet.

The joe team retrives Dr. Vandermeer taking him from his farm in New England to a military base where they can protect him. Unknown to the Joe team, the terrorists planned for just this. Chaos breaks out as a sniper kills Shooter followed by several demolition charges going off. As the Joes leave vandermeer to greenshirts for protection as they attempt to combat these forces assaulting them. The greenshirts take Vandermeer away from the base and are revealed to be terrorists in disguise, one of them Scar-Face. Steeler, Short-Fuze and Grand Slam pursue them as they figure out what's going on. Leading them on a chase into the nearby town. The terrorists begin threatening civilian lives as they attempt to escape, forcing the joes to break off. the terrorists are two for two. And the joes have their second casualty.

Fortunately, the joes also now have a lead. Scarlett's intelligence connections show a recent arrival into the country, an australian merc Sebastian Bludd. Her intelligence suggests he is likely working with the terrorists for months. The recently recovered Scarlett along with Grunt Track him down. while the others begin to investigate a rash of thefts from electronic companies perpetrated by armed men in blue fatigues. Breaker, Flash, Clutch and Rock N Roll stake out the next likely target. Right on cue armed men breach the building. Meanwhile Scarlett and Grunt attempt to apprehend Major Bludd. Two simultanious chases ensue. Clutch and the others manage to apprehend the terrorists, but Bludd injures Grunt and escapes.

As the joes interrogate the men, they at last learn their identity. The terrorists refer to themselves as Cobra. All of them seem to be average americans who have fallen on hard times. They have taken it upon themselves to right the wrongs in the american government, but first they must tear down the old system so the new can rise. They have a plan and they intend to send a big message, but none are talking. Whatever it is, it's happening soon though. While some of the joes support the notion of torturing the men, Flagg insists it could cause a serious political ramifications if they begin torturing american citizens. With seemingly no options left to them, the Joes are startled to discover Snake-Eyes up and moving about. He has managed to terrify the Cobra Troops into revealing the location of their hide out, even without the power of speach. Hawk berates him for his actions, but the Joes plot an assault on the location.

Led by Stalker, a team consisting of Rock N Roll, Steeler, and Short-Fuze storm the building. They take the Cobra forces by surprise and rescue the two scientists.However, they discover they were too late, the Cobra forces have finished what they were building. The two Scientists reveal the object to be worse than even a nuclear bomb, dubbed the MASS device. The MASS, or Material Dissolution Process device is a type of large scale Neutron Bomb. They have already transported it to the site. A location as yet unknown.

With time running out, the Joes scramble to dig up info on all possible targets. Scarlett pulls in all her intelligence leads, Breaker works on all possible radio and cell phone communications, Flash works the internet. In the base, Scarlett and Hawk come upon Grunt, Rock N Roll and Clutch watching a football game. Scarlett begins to chastise them to which Grunt cooly protests that they're doing exactly what they should be doing staying out of the way of the intelligence experts while they wait their call to move out. Clutch jokes that it IS the superbowl afterall. It then hits Hawk, that would be the perfect target. The joes scramble. Snake-Eyes insists on taking part dispite Scarlett's protests.

At the superbowl, the cobra troops finish setting up the MASS device. Scar-Face prepares to interecept the media coverage of the event from the control room as he speaks to what is assumed to be Major Bludd. The Joes arrive to find the troops of the large Cobra force are preparing to evacuate. The Joes use their specialties to eliminate the Cobra Forces. Snake-Eyes takes down multiple cobras but is almost shot from behind. Scarlett rescues him and the two fight back to back as Flash and Zap attempt to disarm the as yet not active device. Hawk spots a Cobra agent signaling to Major Bludd in an ajacent building. Hawk pursues him. Bludd attempts to escape but hawk manages to keep up with him and catch him. The two fight but Bludd hits the activation trigger for the device and escapes. The timer begins counting down. The cobra forces, seeing this, attempt to flee in fear for their lives but are subdued. At last the device is disarmed and the day saved. The Joes view the game ending with the public none the wiser. At last they have won a battle in this new war.

Seeing the good the team managed, President Hama talks with Flagg about potentially expanding the team. Flagg suggests that if the team were to become any bigger, they would need a second general running the show. Hawk is promoted and meets with Colton while the remainder of the team recieves various awards of valor. Scarlett and Snake-Eyes share a silent moment. Several joes pay their respect at Shooter's grave. Construction begins on a base for the Joes. Dr. Burkhart continues her protestations of the military, but does tone it down to an extent. They also wonder if they have heard the last of this new ruthless terrorist orginization. Hawk begins looking through the files for recruits.

Menwhile, Scar-Face, having eluded capture, returns to an undisclosed location and begins speaking to someone. He tells him all that transpired. At last this person is revealed to be none other than the hooded Cobra Commander. The supreme ruler of Cobra suggests that they have been opperating on too small a scale prior to this and that perhaps it is time to stop opperating underground and become their own army. It is then revealed that the commander sits before a vast room filled with thousands of blue garbed Cobra troopers. He makes a maniacle speach about global conquest and eliminating G.I.Joe. The army begins to deafeningly chant in unison "COBRA!"

The End?

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Not a chance! But there you have it. How I would have done the first G.I.Joe movie. Granted there's not much character development and it MIGHT be a bit long, but still, I think that's a movie the public would go to see. It's not hyper dark nor does it rely on too many out there scifi concepts like super soldiers or power suits. I don't think it'd even be THAT expensive to film! Most importantly, it pays homage to the past without utterly raping it for... whatever reason and becoming outright silly.

Then again, you may disagree.

I'm currently working on the second movie outline. (At current, I am usure how many movies this would be. I'm thinking anywhere from three to six.)

Oh yes, and welcome to Just a Geek.